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Motherhood Is Not the Graveyard of Dreams…

Crystal Irby|For Harriet   in  ·
May 27, 2015

“Then God tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Remember why people love you. Take care of that person.”

I mean that not as a wife or mother, but as a being who needs things just because I’m me and I need them. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s the only words I have. Sometimes as a wife, mother, woman, and person of color our care is a byproduct of taking care of others, like, “I’m happy if my family is happy.” And that’s just not true. There are so many people with happy, healthy, functioning families living locked inside of themselves. My happiness and my joy are mine and if it is dependent on someone else I will always be at their mercy. When I am healthy, when I am at peace, when I am writing, when I am progressing, when I am performing, and when I am with God, I am full of joy and I discover the path God has laid before me. I remember to have faith and just walk it. I discover my husband loves me without cause or consequence. I remember water has always brought me peace and clarity. It calms all this fire inside me. Long baths, the ocean, prayer, and words have always been things I wrapped myself in to keep me. They help me discover what I need and remind me to take care of myself. No one can take care of me like me. This isn’t about self-love. It’s about self-remembrance. This month I commit to prayer, water, words, silence, solitude, and moments (deep or shallow) all and only about me. I commit to sowing a seed of care within myself.

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